I need your help!

What you are about to read may sound very petty to you in regards to the whole scheme of life! But, it is a war that is raging inside me at this very moment and I need to let it out!!!

Libby Lu Makeover!

My daughter is turning six in just a week! Oh my how time flies. Well, we (my MIL & I) have planned her a great birthday party. Our plans were to have a tea party where we would dress them up, do their hair and make-up (like a “LibbyLu” party at home), complete with gloves and hats. Then my MIL is making my daughter a princess castle cake and finger sandwiches, you get the point. It will be a lot of fun for my daughter and the few friends she is inviting. (That’s another story for another time)

So, here is the problem. I keep one of my daughters friends after school. She went to the same pre-school and they are on the same soccer team. Last year the other mom and I decided to do their birthday party together because it is on the same day! Well, this year we talked about and decided against it because there is another little girl in their class with the same birthday.

Ok, so the other mom and I talked about a month ago and I told her what we were planning to do and invited her daughter. She said they were planning to just do a family get together and that her daughter could come.

Tuesday I get a phone call from this other mom and she asks me if we’ve decided what we were doing for the birthday party. Uh, yeah, I told you a month ago what was being planned. Then she asks if my daughter could come to her daughter’s party on that Friday. The day before my daughter’s party. For a homestyle “LibbyLu” party. Come again? Yeah, she is going to have a few girls over to do their hair and make-up and blah, blah, blah.

Ok, so maybe this shouldn’t bother me, but I have to be honest. It ran all over me. Ofcourse, I didn’t tell her that, but I am seriously thinking I need to let her know how I feel about it. I don’t consider this woman a good friend, but I keep her daughter after school! There is some kind of connection there, right?

So, I told my MIL what was going on and now she wants to take the girls TO LibbyLu’s. I called and made the reservations yesterday, but now I’m thinking that I’m being the mean spirited one. And, that is not how God would have me react to this situation. And, I just don’t know what to do.

It bothered me on many different levels, but most important to me is that I feel like she will be taking away from my daughter’s experience. I feel like everything with this woman is going to be a score-keeping game. (For instance – this other mom and her husband have coached the soccer team and for the past two years my daughter was the only one who did NOT know about picture day. So, we missed the first year and this past year we had a game the same day and just happened to make it in the nick of time) I don’t want it to be that way. Maybe I overreacted. Maybe she did it intentionally…maybe she didn’t.

Any words of advice would be welcome. Please be completely honest. If you think I’m crazy – tell me. I really need to make a decision about this. Do we go to LibbyLu or just stick to our original plan? Do I tell the other mom how I feel or not? Please give me your honest opinion! Anything you have to say will be greatly appreciated!

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10 Responses

  1. You’re not crazy, I’d be mad, too. I mean, dude. Get an original idea! You have to steal one for your kid’s party?

    Wait until she gets married, it will be so much worse! ๐Ÿ™‚

    I think you should ignore this one, have a good time at your baby’s party (and by the way she is too cute), and if something else like this happens again I would gently ask her about the feelings of competition she seems to have.

    No one likes a Competimommy.

  2. Like you, I think I would be a little taken back. However, it sounds to me like the “other woman” is the one with issues. There must be some low self esteem going on there … because it seems that she is trying to “beat down” others to then make herself and her family look good. That is NOT YOUR PROBLEM! Though it’s hard (and I know), my advice would be to just let it go. I wouldn’t confront her, because in my opinion, that would give her great satisfaction and would just fuel the fire. Know in your heart, you are a bigger person and this woman just doesn’t matter. Judging from the way she is treating you and your family, I wouldn’t actually call her a friend!

    As for the party? Looks like you have two options now. ๐Ÿ™‚ It is your daughters birthday … why don’t you give her the two choices and let her decide. I wouldn’t mention anything regarding the other little girl and her party so that it won’t affect her decision.

    Everything happens for a reason … I believe this will end up being one of her best birthdays thus far … don’t you?

    Smile … take a deep breath … know you are a good woman and mother and friend … and try to let it go. Channel the anger and put the energy from it to something worthwhile. This woman just isn’t worth it.

    Let us know what you decide to do.

    Gorgeous little girl by the way! Love the dimple. ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. your daughter is ADORABLE!
    wow, that’s harsh. i hate stuff like that.
    but what i see in all of this is also a greater opportunity for you and your daughter – to give grace where greater grace is obviously needed.

    I’ll be praying for you and thinking about you. Being a mama is NOT for the faint of heart. shalom!

  4. You are not crazy! Not at all. I am not a fan of people who take ideas and pass them off as their own. And why the need to one up a 6 yr old??? Is that what makes her feel better about herself??? Anyway, take a deep breath, pray and just make your daughters party the best it can be. I am sure she will never know what occured beforehand. Libbylu’s would be fun, if your conscience feels like it might be trying to one up the other mom, than stick to your original plan. Other than that, I WOULD absolutely say something to her, let her know that it makes you just a little upset, and would like to know what the deal is. More than likely she will deny any prior knowledge, but it may cause her to rethink things in the future!

  5. Grrrr….it would be one thing, if the other Mom planned a similar party several months apart- but for the day before your party that was already planned, how RUDE!!

    I think I would just go ahead with my regular plans and maybe try and tweak them a bit. Maybe play up the tea party more than the hair and makeup angle. Let them decorate their own cupcakes. Maybe get a dress up box together with fun hats, high heeled shoes and feather boas.

  6. You are so normal. This would have riled me up for hours, if not days!

    I have been in similiar situations like this and it is SO hard to know what to do. On one hand I want to be honest and politely confront the person so we can work things out because I hate having feelings like this, but then on the other hand I also just want to turn the other cheek and learn how not to be offended. As hard as it may be, though, I would just let this one go. She doesn’t seem to be a true friend, even if you are watching her girl all the time.

    Just recently I had a situation with someone I consider a close friend. I decided to very tactfully ask her if I had done something to upset her so we could get things out in the open. However, instead of me being able to get my feelings out she went off on me. So much for that plan. Some people just come the way they are wired. I still feel hurt inside from this friend, but I am trying to pray and turn to God to heal my heart. It is not easy, but I am working on it.

    Good luck.

    By the way, your daughter is adorable!

  7. I just popped over here from Not So Crunchy Mom. You have probably figured this out since it is Saturday morning. I would follw your intuition. Which is another way of saying you’re not crazy. There are people that appear good natured that have mean spirited thinking in their heads.

    I don’t think I would up the situation by actually going to Libbylu. In my opinion the experience might not be a genuine as being at home with the opportunity to explore and linger.

    I hope is all works out. Happy Birthday to your daughter.

  8. That’s a hard one…..I would probably say don’t confront her about it but let it go, which is hard to do I know. I think I’m not very confrontational sometimes which is probably why I would say that. Maybe go on with your things as planned. It does sort of sound like she’s the one with issues, if she’s going to be into the score keeping thing is there any way for you to gently pull back? Sometimes time takes care of things too.

  9. Well, I’m just now reading this, but it’s already been a week so I am curious to know how it all went.

    Personally I would have just not taken my daughter to other party and let her party go on as planned. I have had similar situations with a friend of mine in the past. I feel that she is very one-up with me and I’ve never understood why. I have had to just let it go. And I’ve also learned that if there is something that I really really want… I just don’t mention it to her or she might end up with it first. ๐Ÿ™‚

    But really, like several people said, situations like these are opportunities to grow, learning to show God’s love and forgiveness and teaching our children how to handle situations like these when they run into them later.

    Hope it all worked out for the best! =)

  10. […] March 8th, 2007 in Family Life I’m so Thankful that so many of you replied to this post and I just wantย you to know that I really appreciate your advice! And, I wanted to update you all […]

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